Monday, May 18, 2015

Letter to My Younger Self-by Pixie

Many bloggers I've read for years (and so I feel I have been on a journey a long with them) have recently written letters to their younger selves. I've thought about what I should say to myself, should I ever have the ability to time travel. This is what I would say:

Dear Younger Self:
#1: You love some undeserving, needy people, far too much. Just because someone helped you in the past, does not mean, they are the person who will be there for you, when you are falling. Sometimes people like to be helpful, because they need you, or, because it makes them look good to others, or even look to good to themselves. It is not always a sign of love or friendship.

Don't trust so much, don't love so much, or you will find, they may just be the person who pushes you over the edge, rather than the person who catches you.  People that catch you when you are falling, and pick you up, and give you advice to be better, to be more honest, yet don't tell a soul about your wrongs, these are the people to cherish, and reward. These are also the people who nit-pick about you, which you hate, but grow up dear, you can handle it, and their intentions are good.

However, don't change from the open-book tell-you-my-life story person you are, just, don't put your faults out there so much. Certainly, don't blog them;) even in a round about way.
#2: Your story is your own, and people who came into it as characters, well, if they didn't want to be the bad guy, they should have behaved better. Once you realize it is just a story, the tale of your past, then it holds no power over you. You shouldn't have to justify to others how you chose to survive. You can justify it to Allah, who knew your intentions, and you can only make amends to those you hurt. Most of the time, you only hurt yourself, and the way to make amends to that, is to be better, own it, put it to rest, and be at peace. Know, having to survive will come to an end. You are brave and strong, despite weak points, and terrible situations. You will make it. Regret changes nothing, creates nothing, only hollows you inside. Fill the hollow carved by childhood regret with distance and happiness. If not for yourself, than your children.
#3: Yes, even though it is unfathomable to you, younger self, children. You will be a mother one day, and you didn't die before 25. You got married, held a regular job, and had a life different than you imagined but still fulfilled your dreams. Weird, huh?

Life totally doesn't turn out the way you plan but dreams do come true. Don't give up on what you truly want for yourself.

#4: Remember those hated summers in Oman?:XD. Learn to laugh at yourself, prepare for hurricanes properly, both metaphorically, and actually. You will never understand other peoples' sarcasm, and often people will be laughing at you, not your jokes, but your actions, but learn to laugh with them. Not everything is black and white. Not everything has to be a certain way. Usually, when arguments happen with people, you are arguing for the same thing they are, just another way and they just will never see that. Understand that, and laugh at yourself.
#5: Souls are eternal. Soul-mates are not. Love can come many times, in many forms. Don't feel guilt for this. Allah doesn't grant all our prayers, and someday, you will actually be thankful for this.
#6: Do not buy that four-poster bed for that studio apartment. Seriously, don't.

#7: Do not loan money to anyone in Oman, ever. They will never ever pay you back.

#8: Renting a room in MQ should not cost you 500 OMR a month + utilities---don't be so gullible and trusting dearie.

#9: Back up that novel on a floppy disk (yes, a floppy). You will never ever get that work back.

#10: Marry the one who loves you more than you love them, as this person will win you, the other, lose you. Ask a man why he wants to marry you, and this will let you know if it is the right person or not.
#11: I guess pray more, worry less. Ask for stuff from Allah. You do, like, only once or twice and it happens the same day or within the year so, I don't know why, you were so hung up against anything to do with asking except for forgiveness. That's like, a leftover from days, limiting God/Allah with ideas like, He's too busy, or He's got better things to do. He's All and in control of everything, if you are a Muslim, right? So don't set limits for God/Allah. That's not really a good thing to do.
#12: Never ever put someone else's education before your own. And certainly, do not let them take out a loan in your name, and you work, while they go to school, and you edit all their homework. Do not sacrifice your dignity, and don't lower your standards to make yourself the height of someone else's narrow measure.

And don't be such a bloody snob. Just because a man has money, and can support you, and would if you wanted him to, means he's someone to be avoided, just because you like to prove how different you are from SOME people. The only people who could ever call you someone after a man for his money are women who are after men for their money. Remember that.

A man's character isn't his bottom line, whether he's for richer, or for poorer---really, you were such a snob, I can't get over it lol.

#13: Even if they cut you off, make ties with old friends and family, because they are only afraid you will change to them. Make them see, the change is for the good, and not a phase. Eventually, they will get to know you again, and see this. Old friends will grow up, realize getting drunk and partying all the time is really not the "funnest" thing in the world, and they'll like, re-add you on FB, remembering the good old days when you used to go rock climbing and nearly died together, used to laugh until you couldn't breathe, and danced without music or booze in the living room and around the bonfire. Because you are the fun fierce crazy one remember that. You will always be able to make people laugh, through the worst of it.

#14: In your hometown, always, always wear two hijabs and no pins, because some redneck dude from high school is going to yank your scarf off. When he does this, forgive him. He was never raised to know better. When someone throws something at you from a moving vehicle, try to resist the urge to pick up stones and smash in their windows. You know where they live. You could do this anytime without chasing them down in heels. The Prophet Mohammed (S.A.W) probably wouldn't smash anyone's window in, so neither should you. But I totally forgive you if you do;). Also, don't walk through dark, secluded places at night because "Allah will protect you". I mean, Allah WILL, but you'll get into crap, so yeah, "tie up your camel" and don't be an idiot. And no matter how many rednecks, bigots, and Neo-Nazis tell you to "move to Saudi Arabia" ---don't. You couldn't even handle Abu Dhabi.

#15: No Muslim-majority country will find you peace and "Islam" all easy. Get over that. Don't get into a spiral of depression over it. Muslims are human, imperfect, and full of sins. So are you. So use the Quran as an example, not people.

#16: Yes, you certainly live more and get more done when you don't sleep, don't eat, and drink lots of coffee, however, heart conditions are no fun. So, uh, drink milk, eat real meals, and sleep some of the time. By 25 you will have a heart attack if you don't. No grey hair, but a heart attack. Trust me, that sucks.

That's all I can think of to say to my younger self.  Is there any other advise you think would be useful to tell your younger self?

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