Sunday, November 16, 2014

DIVORCE IN OMAN and Omani Proverbs I Disagree With

"There's an Omani saying in Arabic,"one of my Omani girlfriends tries to explain to me, to justify her reasons for staying in an unhappiness. "My brother reminded me of it, when I thought of divorcing him," she continues. "...Since if I was divorced I'd have to move home back with my family, and then they'd be pressured with the responsibility of caring for me and my children [if she wants to keep them with her]." She's a grown woman, with a better job than her husband whom she contemplates from time to time of divorcing. "Better the shadow of a man, than the shadow of a wall", she recites the proverb for me. Meaning better unhappy with a man than without him.

"I disagree with that," I tell her stoutly. I am a divorced woman. I am a woman with a past, beyond that even. "Excuse my language, but that's total BS. Sometimes the shadow of a wall IS better than the shadow of a man. The shadow of a wall sucks sometimes, but it is the linings of a new life, a new home, a new chance at happiness."

I am sure of this. I wrote a post about it here in a way, about my own experiences with "the shadow of a man":

I haven't written much about divorce and the Omani cultural view point about it here on this blog beyond this post But reading recent posts by brave Mayya
I was reminded by the Islamic veiwpoint not the cultural one. It was an Islamic scholar (he's not my favourite so I am not going to quote him directly;) ) who once said, "Don't rely overly on an any one person in this life, for even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness."  Islam allows divorce simply for the reason of unremediable unhappiness. One doesn't have to be physically hurt or financially abandoned for Islam to be okay with it, even though it is the most disliked allowed act for human beings. It wasn't actually a big deal in the Prophet Mohammed's time. It wasn't a shameful thing. It wasn't a sinful title for people to carry.

It sucks if kids are involved but it shouldn't be a shame or be made a permanent state of status for a woman or even a man in a culture.

I am also a child of divorce. Happily remarried now, but divorce isn't the end of life or love for a child or a woman or a man. Life goes on. Some proverbs became proverbs not because they are true, but because people kept repeating them so much. Go on, discourage someone for divorcing their spouse because they had a little fight or they snore or something small and petty or easily remedied, but don't discourage someone from leaving the shadow of a person.

Divorce is alright with Islam and Allah obviously if it was alright with Mohammed S.A.W, if the only other option open to one, is becomming a shadow of themselves, the shadow of a human being...

Mayya's tips for divorce:

HOUSE UPDATE: why can't anyone in Oman ever listen? Or, ugh, SEE???

 So remember I gave the architect the sketch contained in this post to go on for what we wanted? Well, nevermind, above is what he drew us. Ugh. So I thought, I'd give him an even more detailed sketch (below):
I don't know about you, I am no experienced architect (I've only done interior design and that was a loooong time ago now) but you would think, at least I would, that it would be pretty easy now to get an idea of what the client is going for with a drawing to go on. You (and I) would be wrong, because below, is what he gave us next....:

Still waiting for the changes.... Sigh.