Thursday, September 26, 2013

REPLY TO SASHA: to do or not do, date an Omani guy

This post is written in reply to a comment left on another blog post. Here is Sasha's comment:
Hello! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and I love it! [...---may I interupt to say I am flattered?..] But I write this because it seems like no one could understand me or give me a two-sided advice about my situation right now. I am an expat and I am really liking an Omani guy right now. He’s single, younger than me, we get along well. But we’r e not in a relationship, just friends but we know we like eachother. How will I know if I should go for this? I’m so confused. -Sasha
Dear Sasha, your situation is indeed confusing. I know a lot of girls [and women] in Oman who've been there. I will do my best to give you two-side advice. As I am a Muslim, I can give you a humanistic-but educated-in Oman-opinion, and my Islamic-as-a-Muslim-girl-who-knows-Arab-guys opinion.
I don't know the Omani guy you like. I don't know his character, how he acts within his tribe, or within his family, what the limitations are of his relationship with you. These thing contribute a lot to successful relationships in Omani culture.
As a Muslim, I can't say anything good about your chances with him, since he has friends that are girls. But then, I've known guys also, who sucked as Muslims and who were ok husbands or boyfriends otherwise----: These men act independently, don't care what unworthy people think, but respect what compassionate, good, kind people think. They might go along with society in general because they don't like to go against the grain... but in general they form their opinions and stand up for what they think is right even if it goes against Mama or Baba or the tribe or even Omanis. See the guy through un-tinted glasses. Omani guys (Arab dudes in general) lack a leading independent characteristic but some of them are different in this small way. All the women I know married successfully to Omani men have independent thinkers as mates. Not married but just dating it totally different.
Secondly, I don't know what you want out of a relationship. If it is security and long-term success, Arab-dudes suck at this unless they propose to you pretty fast and tell their mother and father about you, and offer you what they'd offer an Arab Muslim girl whether or not you are Muslim or not. That is the opinion of both Muslim-girl and Humanist-but-cultured-by-a-decade-surrounded-by-Omanis. So if that is the feelings in your relationship that's something you'd talk about with him once and act on.
On to dating. The humanist in me will speak now, as the Muslim-me considers this the path that leads to the degradation of my sex to less than the rights I believe are Divinely bestowed upon us;). Ignore that self-righteous bigot if this is your actual preference as her advice will ammount you nothing.
Omani culture frowns upon dating. It is considered sinful, and a sign of bad character for both women and men. That said, some people honestly prefer it. Others might merely indulge in it, still thinking it bad and low of others, but a "need" okay for themselves I guess, at least, maybe for a phase in their life. Never depend upon any kind of lasting respect, or security, from the latter type of Omani guy. The aforementioned one? You have a chance with.
I actually know a lot of women who date younger Omani guys who simply rebel against the idea of marrying or the way people find their spouses her, but can be in long-term relationships of respect and reciprocity.
They are RARE. Remember, any Omani dude will have likely have been ingrained from birth with one or both of these lines of thoughts: "relationships outside of marriage lead to hell and burning and shame and people who have them are bad and don't deserve much respect since they don't respect even themselves to the ststaus of Islamic rights" or "its ok so long as no one in the tribe or family knows, boys will be boys you know."
As all Muslim girls are wont to say "Khaleeji guys suck" even those married happily to 'em, and there's a lot of things to consider.
As a girlfriend: do want someone who'll drive you to the doctor when you're sick, and not make you hide at the Carrefour or only go out at night because he'd be caught by his family and ashamed by your existence in his life? Know the man well enough to know how he'll treat you based on how he already treats others, not how he says he does.
Khaleeji guys are romantic, jealous, funny, courageous, generous (in general). Makes for great, torrid, BUT short affairs. Also weigh out if it is worth that to risk your friendship. Most friendships don't last once you've seen eachother naked. Emotions are  [almost] always there, even when all the better qualities of a relationship have gone.
As I don't know your full situation, I can't give you a better best girlfriend opinion about what you should do. But I hope I have given you a little bit more to consider towards what to think about and look for depending on your situation. And I am sorry if this post is TOTALLY unhelpful.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hello! It's me Sasha!

I am very sorry for posting this late reply. But I really really thank you for giving me this helpful answer to my query. And you even made a whole blog post about it! I'm surprised and flattered as well.

About the concerned guy and me. I just let him remain as my friend. Sometimes we would go out and I already introduced him to my friends too. They all like his personality and open mindedness. However, I just decided that it's better for us to just remain friends despite his objection because I cannot simply see any future for us. It's hard at first because I really really like him. But now I'm a lot better because it's like I brainwashed myself to not fall in love with him because when that happens, it may cloud my mind and lead to more problems.

We never talked about any future. I also don't wanna talk about it because he's a lot more younger than me and I'm also not sure if I want marriage right now, or with him.

I wish he was older, and I don't wanna come off as a racist because I'm really not, but I hope too that he's not Omani so that it would be easier for us. But he is, and that's part of what I like about him. He makes me laugh, he's sweet, interesting, and really nice to talk to. He might or might not be one of the "khaleeji guys" that you just told me about but I have this feeling that he could be one of the exceptions.

But I just don't know. Since I'm still a bit ambivalent about this, it's better to be just friends.

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question. I wish you all the best!

I'll keep you posted if there's anything else.

Maasallama. =)