Tuesday, April 9, 2013

OPNO's TOP 10s LIST of how to be that stereo-typical Khaleeji girl

[that gives Arab women from the GCC the...err... reputation that they have]

1.) Understand that all women are your enemy if they are a. not from your country, b. not from your close family, c. are from your close family but know something about who you really are. Understand this because, every woman out there wants to marry  an {insert your nationality here} man...or to see you fail so that they and their family can look better....And remember that Moroccan women are witches, so you should always curse them out on spot, to counter-hex them.
 2.) Never ever EVER run after, or play with, teach, or hold for more than five minutes, your own children. That's what housemaids are for. But have a lot of them anyways.

 3.) Never keep garbage anywhere near you when there is an available housemaid to throw it to. How should you know what happens to garbage? In your world, garbage, like dishes, and misbehaving spoiled-rotten children, just magically disappear. The magic words for this are barked orders, and calling the housemaid "slow" and "stupid" as she doing exactly what you asked... Of course, this only works if said housemaid is still within ear-shot... because you know "all housemaids care about is money" and "they're lazy" so them hearing you talk about them to other people is a definite must... 
And totally ignore the signs of a servant exhibiting a mental breakdown. They're just lazy. Don't worry, they'll probably never go crazy and bludgeon your horrible kids to death in a fit of madness.
 4.) Drown yourself in make-up...and the most expensive perfume you your husband can afford.

 5.) Dress up for everything. Even the gym. Correction, dress up for everything... except your own husband. 

 6.) Spend all of your husband's money so he can't afford a second wife.

 7.) Always pretend to be a on a diet and
do use the private women-only gym equipment for cell-phone chats.
 8.) Your wedding party is the most important (and exciting) thing that will ever
ever happen to you... until planning your children's.
 9.) There is no such thing as a "line" or "first come, first served". There is, "Indian", "Pakistani", "Arab-Expat", "Western-expat" and "Local" and everyone should know exactly whose country this is.
10.)  Disabled parking means "park here". Being born a woman in the GCC is a disability, right? So why not make the most of it.

Please, dear female readers. Don't let that stereo-typical Khaleeji chick be you.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAHAHHAHAHAHA omg..i think all those points are so valid..its kinda sad when u think about how true this really is, Especially how the family structure is being ruined.

Omani Princess (not Omani...yet) said...

Anon: I agree. Bringing in housemaids and family's being all tribally jealous of one another are tragic more than comedic. Also, unrealistic definitions of marriage from both men and women.

Sarah Ali said...

Hahah. This post cracks me up. I would add an obnoxious crystal crusted watch. A poofy hair clip and the I am better than you snotty look to use at everyone in public.

Anonymous said...

Ya Allah... Sad... so Sad :(

Husna S. said...

So true and so sad and soooo not the way a Muslim lady should be lol but to each their own I guess haha

Anonymous said...

Hi. It's me Umm Hafsa. Again reading your blog I found these words and I feel the duty to give you a nasiha (islamic advice), wa ad-dinu nasiha. I think you don't mean a magic formula nor are you talking about magics, I know that's a common expression used in the West, but think twice and you'll see it is not correct at all because it may lead to shirk and as muslims we must avoid any ways to it, and one of the things that takes a muslim out of the folds of Islam is learning and practicing magics! A'udhu billah. Again, I know these words are "just" an expression, but it is a dangerous one for a muslim and very disgusting for the reasons I mentioned. May Allah make our hearts humble to accept the advices, amiin. That's nasihati laki, may Allah guide us always, amin.

Anonymous said...

...These words in this post: "just magically disappear. The magic words for this are..." Umm Hafsa.