Monday, April 8, 2013

OPNOs Top 10s list of how to be that stereo-typical Khaleeji guy

 [that gives Arab guys from the GCC the horrible reputation that they have]
 
1.) Say to yourself at least 9-10 times a day "{insert name of GCC country on your passport} is the best freakin' country in the world or the GCC, and anyone who says otherwise is just jealous they're getting kicked out or replaced by {insert your nationality in plural}, a {spy} from {insert name of that other GCC state}, or [referring to any other of your GCC neighboring states/kingdoms] slaves.
2.) Seatbelts are for pussies.
3.) Never keep garbage in your car when there is an available road to throw it onto.
3.) The gas pedal is an ON/OFF device. It's either full down or full up.
4.) Understand that every woman from 9-50 walking alone wants your phone number or to get into your car.
5.) Dishdashas are supposed to be as tight as possible.
6.) The closer the cousin, the better the kisser.
7.) Make up  a crazy cool alternate English name, like "Weezy F. Zool", pretend you're all "street" and grew up in New York or something all while living at home, allowing your mother to work night shifts to pay off your car loan, and your sister and Aunts to baby-sit your kids, and your grandmother to instruct the housemaid how to cook your meals and wash your underwear.
7.) Say you are going either a. camping, b. Umrah, or best of all C. if the timing fits, Hajj.... but head for Bangkok, Egypt, or the hookers of Bahrain/Dubai.
8.)  Spend at least five minutes greeting another "steroetypical" Khaleeji guy from your own tribe, saying hello and mutually asking eachother how each and every male family member is--- when both of you really don't care.
9.)  Do Bedu-yoga to stay fit: one hand on the wheel, one leg out the window, while you drive, text, eat, smoke and hit the kids. Signalling only to  draw attention to your cursing at the other cars after you overtake them is optional. Having a "mashaAllah" sticker on the car, though, if you are going to be swearing at other drivers on a regular basis, that's a must.
10.) You're only Gay if you choose a guy over a girl...but if no girl is available....it's "addi"

Please, dear male readers. Don't let that stereo-typical Khaleeji guy be you.

6 comments:

StylishMuslimah said...

Hahaha! This is so true. The last one is a little surprising though..!
Salam x

Albie said...

#6 almost made me vom. :(
Asalaamu alaykum!~

Omani Princess (not Omani...yet) said...

StylishMuslimah: I've heard sooo so many Saudi and Kuwaiti guys say the last one.

Albie: Wa alaykom e salaam, I am sorry! I am just using their language for the satire.

Anonymous said...

lol. for those who don't speak arabic whats does "addi" mean?? thanks..loved both posts.

Omani Princess (not Omani...yet) said...

Anon: Thank you. "addi" means like "no trouble" "no worries". In Oman, they'd say "ma mishkila" but at least in Oman, I hear this one less. More Omani guys can get a girlfriend, unlike in KSA... I don't think it has anything to do with moral standards.

Sarah Ali said...

I have a male teacher colleague who was in Riyadh and said he walked in on two of his male students servicing eachother. They put up their hands and said, "teacha no problem, we have no girlfriend".

I would also add a large sticker of your blackberry pin number on your car so that any girl can contact you.

Also, been seeing Afros in Saudi Arabia and UAE.