Thursday, December 8, 2011

People ARE SOOOOOOOOO PICKY!!!!!: my arranging arranged marriages rant

People are soooooooooo picky!!!!!!

This last year people have been asking MOP and me to look for a husband or a wife for them left and right. You see, being that we come from 2 worlds, we should have more to offer than their village or social circle has been the thinking that led to us being in this predicament I am sure.

We both have many friends and friends of friends, both men and women, looking to get married. We've even found some we thought were perfect pairs.

But I have found this to be true, alot of the women want the man to be richer, or are unwilling to move to a different place. While the men ask that the woman be beautiful in a way his society thinks is beautiful (even the blind one, go figure), rather than a woman that would suit him better.

There was one man set on one of the women we had in mind, though not for him, because he thought she was beautiful, while he turned down a woman who was closer to what he was looking for in his description of what he wanted from a wife. The beautiful one he'd have divorced (or she'd have divorced him) right away, and been nothing but trouble to one another, while the other woman would make him happy for sure but he would not even consider her.

Beauty is fine now, sure, so is money, but those things don't make a happy marriage at all. LOL, one doesn't need Dior makeup brushes and Arabesque abayas to ake the happy home with a young handsome and relatively well-off and prepared to provide for her husband who'll let her design her own villa but just doesn't want to be married solely for his money so rejects buying en-masse brand names on principle. A blind man doesn't need a supermodel.

Also, one of OPNO girls is a second wife, and people know she is my friend and that I am okay with Islamic polygyny so they ask if I can find them Muslim convert second wives from my country.

I am okay with this, totally, if the man IS marrying a second wife for an Islamic reason. Most aren't, and won't be able to manage it, and I get my friend's husband to advise them against, knowing how hard it is in his own experience. And if they are idiotic about it all, I won't give any options.

Dumbest reason yet I've heard my husband's friends ask us to look for a 2nd wife for them? They loved their wife too much and she simply wouldn't move from her village and he was stuck working in Muscat. I GUARANTEE YOU, dear readers, she'd move in an instant should he remarry, then the 2nd one would be vastly unhappy, and the 1rst one would perhaps make her husband less happy than he was at the time, and he might love her less, or she love him less, and yeah, I'd not be the pickler in that pickle.

Gentle soul, at least kudos to him for not cheating, but I mean, marrying a second won't solve your existant maritial woes, it will just cause new ones.

And for those insistant on marrying young, beautiful converts, willing to be second wives, don't expect a virgin on top of that. Most virgins don't wanna be second wives. They have better choices and more options out there so get realistic standards. Even the divorcees and widows who are converts, expect alot out of a marriage if they are going to be a second, on top of you treating the first fair, so don't expect them to expect less, just because your society treats women in the same position as them as less. They studied Islam and knows Islam guarantees them alot, and their culture taught them their value isn't linked to what your society links a woman's value to.

Also, for my dear convert friends insistant on marrying a man from the Gulf.

1.) Abandon all your delusions and know what you can handle. Just because you like traditional foods and dances doesn't mean you can cut it in the village when your mother-in-law asks you to circumcise your newborn daughter and you can't wear anything other than what the other women are wearing. Alot of you just aren't strong or smart enough or have enough knowledge about who you are as a person yet to make that decision to marry into tribal what-have you. And getting out of tribal what have you is hard for me to help you in, so don't be offended when I tell you you aren't ready for marriage and need to grow more as a person first.

2.) The majority of men in the Gulf aren't all rich handome Sheikhs who will drive you around in a Ferrari and buy you deisgner abayas and handbags and hire you a villa full of maids, and most of the ones who are like that, are creeps when it comes to being a husband or have no time for a wife else THEY WOULD HAVE MARRIED A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG KHALEEJI GIRL WHO LIKE A FREAK OF NATURE WAS BORN WITH LIGHT COLOURED EYES LIKE YOU AND LIGHT SKIN. Your beauty doesn't entitle you to Prince Charming here, and if that's what you are depending on, beauty is as beauty does. Trust me, I know alot of girls married to this kind of guy in the Gulf. If that's one of your main requirements for finding a husband, I refuse to offer you even the rich good men I know the same way I refuse the guys who turn down women who'd make them happy because they want a certain "beautiful type."

Like creepy Doctor I who keeps emailing me to ask for a wife. He turned down my very white friend because she wasn't white enough. He meant, her eyes were brown.

I've thought of finding a gold digger blonde blue eyed non-Muslim beauty for him to pretend to be Muslim to marry him and make off with his money to teach him a lesson but I am not that mean so I've just "junked" all his requests.

Good luck Dr. I in finding a young, beautiful, blonde, blue-eyed convert girl of good Islamic principles to marry.

Strangely enough, people shallow enough to turn down a woman because she's not beautiful enough don't want to marry a woman who'd be shallow enough to turn him down if he was poor, and vice versa. There's a match I wouldn't mind making, if it was based on mutual shallow-ness, though I bet it would lead to unhappiness anyway, but I won't tie one giving self-sacrificing person to a shallow one, no matter how easy it would be.

I am sorry for the length of this rant I am just so tired of people getting stuck up on certain things, and too many of them.

The guy wants good Muslim wife willing to marry a poor blind man. Why request that she also be beautiful huh? It is hard enough to find the first few?! Why not something useful, like, say, soft skin and a beautiful voice?

Request a husband that will accept a woman whose not a virgin, a good Muslim, rich, young, preferably never having been married, willing to understand Western culture, and holds a specific GCC passport? Deeeeeeeeear Allah, help us, should such men be readily available no woman would remain unmarried in HIS OWN country.

Omani women are just as picky for the post part, or their families are, unless they are divorced or something,

If I was as picky as ya'll, I'd never have found the love of my life soooooooo....

{end rant}


Boxie said...

Good post, and I can't believe the doctor still emails you.

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Boxie: He does indeed, as he believes firmly I am a blonde and must be well connected with other abaya wearing blondes;). His interest in Sister S remains (even though she never converted) so I told him she married a Yemeni lol. Take that his ridiculous pride and pompousness over inflated self worth:D

Boxie said...

Inshallah he will just be happy with who he finds in the end or he will never be happy.

Sunni Side Up said...

Great post, and so typical! I touched on this subject (Arab men's interest in white women) in a recent post, and I had such fun writing it, I'll probably make it the first in a series.

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Sunni side up: cute screen name:) Yeah 'tis all the rage I hear;D

soso said...

I read it all.. Interesting topic.. Match making is hard work eh !!