Saturday, July 9, 2011

"Bitches" & How Islam Veiws Such Women Versus How Some Omanis Do

I really wanted to write this post but knowing my audience is mainly expat or female Muslims not living in Oman, I doubt it will reach widely the Omani male population I intend it for.

I want to say, my personal feelings have always been, that loving somebody is never a sin, though perhaps that love can make us do things that are haraam (not allowed for the Muslims). Don't take this one sentence to sum up my post. This is my thesis statement but it isn't my conclusion in itself.

While I understand of my sex, that there are alot of girls here in the Gulf who sleep around for the ching-ching bling bling: they want a guy to drive around with in a nice car, take them out to all the nice cafes and restaurants, buy them new cellphones and laptops and cute outfits, ect... there are many who just want to be loved. This itself isn't a sin. But here in Oman it is labelled as such.

THE most predominant veiw to the Omani male population (even the religious ones who should know better, and treat others with less condemning judgement hoping the same for themselves in return from their Creator) is the following: Any woman who loves a man (I mean goes out with him alone) before melka (marriage) is a whore "bitch" street girl whatever.

In Islam, sex before marriage is a sin and carries a harsh punishment traditionally. But unlike adultery, if you are a convert like me, it doesn't make you apostate (term for leaving Islam---very bad thing for us Muslims). If you are a convert and you commit an act of sex before marriage you must serriously repent (meaning, never repeat the act or anything that leads to the act), have a ritual cleansing bath (called ghusl), and repeat your "shahada" (the vow that attests to your belief in Islam and its tenents). Same thing is done for anyone who gives up prayer for more than 3 days in a row intentionally without a reason excusable in Islam. And I know alot of guys don't pray regularily but and sleep around but still think it is okay to call a woman who did maybe once, and maybe as a mistake, a "whore" or a "bitch".

I am in no way saying it is a small thing. In Islam it is considered a major sin for one reason that people, even Muslims rarely understand: SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE DEVALUES A WOMAN'S WORTH. In Islam she has some rights. Some major ones. Such as the right to have a man promise LEGALLY to protect her, provide for her, and be a comfort to her, even BEFORE HE EVER TOUCHES HER HAND OR SEES HER HAIRCOLOUR or waist measurements.

Women in love think that if they forgo these rights, these major rights of theirs, a man will understand just how much they love him/them. And guys, these are major things she's giving up, that "bitch" as you like to so colloquially call her. These rights are a gift from her God (your God too, likely, if you are an Omani Muslim Male). Would you give up a gift from God for someone you love, something that is inherently yours? Well women do it all the time, often desperately, to disasterous results.

I could blame the guys who take advantage of such love and devotions, never intending to give anything back for it, cowards or lazy no-goods, I don't know, I'll let Allah determine. The Qu'ran often does. It is very clear to Muslim men that if they are to have anything to do with a woman romantically, it is firstly their responsibility to go about it honorably, and not in a manner of seduction by physicality. And in fact to avoid the real "bitches" that would seduce them unlawfully ect, or non-Muslim women who don't know their rights in Islam (same rights as the Muslim woman in fact: to have a man promise to provide for her, care for her, comfort her, give her a wedding gift/dowry of whatever she wants within reason, all before knowing touching her.).

Maybe that is why, strangely, in my Western country, more women are converting to Islam, despite the stereotypes about Islam in media, and over-orientalism of facets of the religion, than men. The men who are interested in Islam, and intend to practice it serriously, understand that their responsibilities are overwhelming at times when concerned with women, and they only have rights over these women after marriage, and to enter into marriage, they must meet alot of conditions set by women and set for the benefit of women. When I became Muslim, where I lived there were no other Muslims of my nationality save one. Now there are over 20. Of those 20, only 2 are men, the rest are all women.

Knowing how great a women's rights are in Islam, she must love an awful lot a man to give any of those rights up. I personally believe Allah will forgive her for this, should she make sincere repentence for any unlawful acts she commits. But saying that, I also believe she must feel a shame for rejecting a gift from God, someone who loves her more than some coward who can't even propose marriage to her because he's either too lazy to take on the responsibilities, or afraid of some cultural perception of how things must be done. Yet willing anyway, to take some rights that were never given to him, but to her, from God. Any Muslim must believe the love of Allah is worth striving for more than the temporary pleasure of some man passing for love.

Guys, and even judgemental girls, enough with bitches and whores, for judgement is Allah/God's alone, and if you know anyone is a Muslim, you are to protect their reputation and cover their sins, and ask forgiveness for them from Allah in your own private prayers/duas if you believe they are truly in error. To gossip is to add their sin to your own, and maybe, what do you know afterall, that "bitch" is more beloved to Allah than you are?

For the men reading this post: I married a man who is better than I am, alhamdulilah (that means praise God), but I was willing to marry a man who truly repented in shame also for his past actions. Many women are. Why? Because Allah tells us that he who cannot forgive or have compassion for other human beings, is unworthy of Allah's forgiveness and mercy. I wonder, that so many men in Oman culturally are not? I would fear Allah's judgement then. It will be harsher then.

I know of one woman here, who people told me was a "whore/bitch" whatever. She even called herself that to me, resigned as she was to the labelling system. Yet I know she loved someone unworthy of her, and not even being Muslim, was taken advantage of not knowing her rights, so those particular sins of sex-before marriage will be on that Muslim man alone. And of her, more kindness was shown me, and more charity, than any Muslim I ever met in my life, man or woman. More understanding. More Islamic character. So I wonder, who Allah loves more? The Muslim who doesn't even pray who calls her a "bitch" or this awesome non-Muslim "bitch" lol, who believes in God, but who isn't quite there yet to commit, seeing Muslims in such a state?

For the women reading this post: Don't give up anything God gave you, because He obviously thinks you deserve it, deserve a man who can handle what God expects and wants for you. At the same time, have mercy and compassion for the women out there weaker than you are, or who have less knowledge than you do, who don't know their rights. They are your sisters, help them, support them, and try to understand them, all the time knowing what love God has for womenkind.

Sorry for the religious post all ya'll who are irreligious;)

18 comments:

hijabi said...

I love this post. Even though I´m not living in Oman this kind of behaviour is common here under immigrant communities. Thanks for sharing your view.

Saboodle said...

Great post. The hypocrisy and name-calling are a plague :(

Sythe said...

What a great post, thank you for writing it. Do you mind if I re-blog this?

Aalia (too lazy to sign into account LoL) said...

*_* mashaaAllah

The Linoleum Surfer said...

What a wonderful post. I mentioned this in something I wrote a while back but it's nice to see the theme expanded on a bit, especially by a woman and with a degree of frankness.

I think men forget that the rules for us are the same. Men and women both make mistakes. But it seems to be men who then boast about them to their friends...

TLS

P.S. I totally love your weird girly collective :)

Susan said...

Yes yes YES! I'm so passionate about this! Thanks for writing!

Convert_chica said...

Assalaamu alaikum :)

Totally agree and well said!

Anonymous said...

It takes two to commit adultery. In Islam the sin is the same for both the man and woman. Modern society turns a blind eye to adulterous men, though. A double standard, hypocrisy...

On the other hand, women are intelligent and just as responsible for themselves as men. Men also want to be loved, and women can be manipulative too.

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Hijabi: I hate when people take the negative of their cultures with them, and don't pick up the good of the cultures they are immearsed in:(

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Saboodle: Hypocrites and those who curse or slander/backbite are not among those who accepted as Allah as Muslims.

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Sythe: Of course. We're flattered;).

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Aalia: LOL, I am soooooooooo like that, too lazy to sign in most of the time.

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

The Linoleum Surfer: Thank you for writing about frankness about some Islamic issues on your blog. I know since the English blogging scene in Oman is supported by a large group of expat readers alot of bloggers don't want to tackle some of the Omani social issues from the root: that is, their Islamic what-should-be, and the cultural what-is or twisting of some Islamic concept. This would be hard for non-Muslims to do. But since one of the former OPNOs was a non-Muslim she gave me some good feedback when puting this post together, a different perspective than I'd get otherwise. We usually lack a frank ale perspective though alas, since the Muslim OPNOs (now in majority) would probably be discouraged from blogging anything of a personal nature if we let a guy into our lives close enough to trust him with our blogger password;). So thank you for providing the male frankness to a wider reading audience then our generally girly blog reaches.

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Susan: I know I hardly ever comment, but I really enjoy reading your articles;)

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Convert Chica: Wa alaikom e salaam. Thanks for stopping by.

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Anonymous: I agree, it does take two to commit adultery but this post is not about adultery. Adultery is when a married woman or man cheat on their spouse sexually (this term is misused in the Muslim population as adultery is considered a more serrious crime/sin in islam than fornication). This post is about fornication. When unmarried people let a lust override their general moral code.

I agree, takes two, but Islam is big on intentions. Ask the majority of the women who end up sleeping with their boyfriends in Oman if they would a. marrry the guy any minute, and b. have his children, then ask the guy if he wants the same from the woman. That is the catch in intention. I know there are girls who do it for lust, or to get some goodies from a guy too, but the majority do it for "love" and "affection" and sometimes even for "family" ect. That means in Islamic terms they were seduced by a man's physicality (or lies) in the first place, which a Muslim male isn't supposed to do. So people have to be very careful when they judge which woman is displaying "bitchy" behavior. I'd personally rather not judge at all, but I mean, even I have a slight suspicion for the girl who gives it up to get a new cellphone ect. But the girl who loves a guy and is being stringed along when his only intention is to "hit that" until his family arranges a arriage for him to a more appropriate cousin? Which intention now therein, has more honor in it, even if this poor woman has weakly given up her Islamic rights to better?

Anonymous said...

Right, sorry, I also meant fornication.

But I think you're stretching the concept of intention. When someone commits fornication, it can only be intentional, unless it's rape. It doesn't happen accidentally. The justification or reasoning that it's for this or that greater purpose is different, and in my opinion irrelevant.

I don't think there's any lesser vs greater evil -- the man's bad intentions are just as bad as the woman's "better" intentions. If someone intends to get married, get married, don't go do the exact opposite lol. One doesn't rob a bank in order to give to charity.

Women should just remember that in Islam marriage is extremely simple. I could get married this afternoon if I really wanted too, if that were my *intention*. ;) Always judge a man by actions, not promises. If he spends his time smooth talking rather than fasting, for example, then you know what's up...

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Anonymous: I agree that a woman can always hold onto her rights, that is, if she understands her God-given worth (unlike in a case of rape), but culture has more made a woman's worth inherent on her pure state, rather than anything else of more substance. So many women don't understand more (even Muslim ones) the why anymore. I agree, who wants to marry a guy who doesn't pray, doesn't fast, doesn't go to Mosque, doesn't lower his gaze? At the same time, while a woman's character is reduced to her chastity oftentimes in Omani culture, so is a man's character broken down to tribe name, lack of being caught for anything bad (rather than real witnessed good actions in daily life), and financial status. Both are wrong things to hang a reputation on. Though the Qu'ran is very strict on men seducing by physicality, while it does not say anything bad about the women who are likewise seduced, telling them only to guard themselves against such. So women should guard themselves against such, but they shouldn't be branded forvever for mistakes based on their naivety. Muslims aren't big on that kind of behaviour.