Thursday, May 5, 2011

OPNO's list for Signs You Have Been In Oman Too Long

I know alot of bloggers have compiled lists of "you know you've been in Oman too long" over the last three years. I am going to write my own anyways, because most of my friends (besides other Oman-based bloggers) don't read blogs about Oman anyways, and it will probably clear up a few things about my personality;D for them. This is meant to be funny, not an attack on Oman, and isn't exactly the typical expat list, more like the ten year expat, or the child of expats who grew up here.


1.) You know you've been Oman too long when... you've given up on the people employed by Lulu letting you leave the store with less than 10 plastics bags for a mere 20 items.

2.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you've forgotten what a minivan looks like. The soccer Mums of back West all drive white Lancruiser Prados in Muscat, and eight people jammed into the backseat and babies bouncing at the wheel and on laps in the front of a five-seater sedan is the norm for most Omani families that you know.

3.) You know you've been Oman too long when... your work shoes are flip-flops, you own a gazillion pashminas/scarves even if you aren't-and-never-were a 'scarf girl', and you purchase 3-4 serrious ballgowns a year. You have stopped wearing shorts and have sworn-off anything 3/4 length, and have started cutting your own hair because you don't trust the salons.

4.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you have to categorize or add details to names in your cellphone's contact list because you have a hundred people with the same tribe name, and a dozen "Badriyas" or "Abdullahs" with the same family name, and without this technique you'd mix up your boss's secretary, with your landlord's wife, and never manage to make a lunch date with your very good friend, who also happens to have the exact same first and last name as your henna artist.

5.) You know you've been Oman too long when.. you can remember the days when you had to drive to Dubai or KSA to get your favourite shampoo or soda if you weren't a fan of Pepsi, Coke, Dew, or Miranda... and you mention this everytime you go grocery shopping in Muscat.

6.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... your English grammer starts to go and you forget to conjugate spoken verbs properly :(. But you can.. order a hot dog in Hindi, have memorized a few proverbs in Swahili, can set a date for the painters in Urdu, and can call someone rude names in Arabic :D.

7.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you've had qahwa and traditional Omani food served to you by your friendly neighborhood ROP because of either A. or B. . A.) You were arrested for a crime that you didn't know was a crime, or B.) were detained overnight when you reported what you thought SHOULD BE/ HAD TO BE a crime, and no one treated it as such. If you have selected A. or B. in multiples, and are not an employee of a Muscat-based human rights watch group, maybe you have been in Oman, too too long, and should think about moving somewhere a bit easier on you.

8.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you compare any disaster to Gonu... and... you were ACTUALLY HERE for Gonu. If not, you're just a drama queen.

9.) You know you have been in Oman too long when... you are driving the highway at 120 MPH behind or beside an orange-and white car and see a a group of Asian men at the side of the road up ahead and know before hand you are going to be cut off/narrowly escape with your life.

10.) You know you have been in Oman too long when... more then ten nationalities have been attributed to you, none of them even close to the country of your passport. Unless you are British, then people in Oman tend to get you right in one try.

11.) You know you've been Oman too long when... you think chilis and cauliflowers are pickles, and that burgers and salads are supposed to come with limp french fries/chips mixed inside of them.

12.) You know you have been in Oman too long when... a marriage proposal is no longer a momentous or even meaningful occasion. Indeed, you have been proposed to by anxious Omani mothers on the behalf of their 38-40 year old sons still living at home, eighty year old but well meaning old men, rich Omani men with wasta on the hunt for younger secret second wives, and every other taxi driver.

13.) You know you have been in Oman too long when... confusingly mispelled signs and text messages that would be something 'dirty' of a sexual or horribly ridiculous connotation in English are magically rendered into their intended meaning in your mind.

14.) You know you've been Oman too long when... you have to buy yourself a coat in December, and purchase yourself a home heater when it is 25 degrees outside.

15.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you've worked for at least one company that didn't pay you your salary on time---or didn't pay you at all, and/or been cheated by at least one landlord.

16.) You know you've been in Oman too long when.. you have more than +2 bin cats +1 wadi dog to your name.

17.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you're on vacation back home-out-of-Oman out for dinner with family and friends and you realize suddenly that everyone is staring at you. Why? Because who needs forks ANYWAYS! [Sorry Dad]

18.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you stop trying to buckle your seatbelt up in the backseat of other peoples cars. You KNOW already that they either a. never bothered to pull the belts out from under the seat when they first purchased the car three years ago, or b. removed them for that "I'm too cool for seatbelts" quotient.

19.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you've learnt to ignore what WOULD BE polite questions and/or invitations from Omani men had they come from men of your home country, because here, you saavy lady you, you know they are lame attempts at flirting/a strategy for getting into your pants.

20.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... you are scandalised, shocked, by un-cut, unedited versions of movies screened in Theatres. Or late night TV.

21.) You know you've been Oman too long when... you get annoyed when you can't find any kleenex or tissue boxes laid out in an easy to spot corner at somebody's house. What kind of lame host/hosts ARE THEY?!


I'm sure I can add more but this is it for now.

2 comments:

Mr. Steve said...

6.) You know you've been in Oman too long when... your English grammer and spelling starts to go....

Nabsj said...

Haha at the common names :P Every single omani have atleast 2 nicknames, so its not really a problem anymore :P