Monday, May 30, 2011

Arabs got Prostitution?

I just read the post that Linoleumsurfer (thelinoleumsurfer.blogspot.com) did on prostitution and how it is veiwed by the majority population of men in the Gulf. I'd post the link but I can't since my blogger won't let me copy-and-paste for some reason. But shyrebelliousarabgirl also posted the link to the exact post. I agreed with his article wholeheartedly, because I've had friends here (guys who I knew through guys I knew through my before-Islam days as a child in Oman) who've used prostitutes too. Even someone I knew very well who'd never used a prostitute a day in his life due to his knack with women---he admitted to me his more religious brothers from his family had. Which blew me away, because the ones that don't drink, the ones that pray, they used prostitutes. And it was okay to all the guys they were friends with, even more religious ones who hadn't done the same things.

Alot of Omani women don't know that their husbands have girlfriends or use prostitutes. My husband, MOP, got mad a bunch of guys at his cousin's work who were bragging about the "whores" they were dating. Understand, these are women who are in a relationship with the guys, who have an emotional attachment to them, and are not "paid" to sleep with the guys. But they are equated as whores. Any woman who sleeps with a man before marriage is a whore in the mindset here, and Linoleum Surfer accurately documents how these women are treated and veiwed, and how alot of sexworkers end up stuck in the trade, not something they chose for themselves. When MOP asked why the guys (married) did such a haraam (sinful to Muslims) thing they said, "their wives were not enough for them." They married a cousin ect, were not in love or overly attracted, ect. Now I know some will think my husband is bad for making this suggestion but he asked them "then why don't you take a second wife?" For Muslims, this is better, and safer for the poor the wife as she isn't likely to contract some sexually transmitted disease, and preserves the rights of the other woman the man finds more suitable to him. She isn't descrated for her affection and devotion to the guy as a "whore". Though why these coward lame excuses for men married at all women that "weren't enough for them" is the blame of culture MOP and I agree. The answer of the adulterers was: "our wives would be mad" "too much trouble, from family, from one's wife, from treating the other woman with all her Islamic rights [which any woman a Muslim man intends to engage with should be offered]. Houses, rent, food are expensive right"

These are their excuses. As if that will make everything right for a wife who married as a virgin and gets an incurrable disease and passes it on to her sinless baby when it is born.

Some of the "respected" husbands and men in our village have gone on trips to Egypt to sleep with prostitutes. Yet a man who knew their sins and would not reveal their sins for fear of God/Allah and desiring the mercy of His Creator, was attacked by these same men and their wives, and scorned as "bad" when he took a second wife. Yet he had, married his first wife as a virgin, maintained her and loved her with all her rights in Islam, and maintained and honored his second wife with all her rights as well. Both wives know full well despite the rumours they have to endure, the friends they have lost, that their husband never slept with a woman he was not married to, and the only women he ever talked to were ones he was determining whether or not he should propose marriage to them. That to many women in the village who do not know their own husbands, the husband with more than one wife is the worst of men, but then, I guess that is why our religion tells us not to judge others, for one we think is the worst, is better than us.

Many things figure into this. Divorce being end of marriage prospects for a woman as an attitude prevalent in Oman, marriages that are arranged before couples fully understand what they are getting into, the idea that "boys will be boys" but that women who are anything but virgins who don't speak to men outside of their work duties are whores. All these things have to change.

16 comments:

Umm Aaminah said...

Subhanallah. Do they not even see how they are sinning?

This attitude really angers me. As usual, though, it's the women who pay.

I would like to shake them as well, tell them, A married man who wants to sneak around and commit zina does NOT love you.

RuaNour said...

To be honest, I'm glad you shed light on this topic, being in Canada you kinda think this stuff doesnt take place back home, but I was shocked when I went back to Oman and heard of "prostitutes"...The whole thing to me is just a double standard and mind boggling

♥hind♥ said...

My husband looks at this men with disgust. How can they actually put their womans health to a risk, or even the unborn child. A wife and the family is something that needs to be protected and not been played with like that. MY husband and I had a lot of converations aboutt his topic. Him telling me how he cant understand those men. An me agreeing and telling him that no matter what if I ever would not attract him anymore, he should pls consioder taking a second wife instead of going behind girls or prostitutes. Even if thats the last thing someoen would expect from him...

*~Ange~* said...

thats just bullshit. no man should be able to take a second wife just because "his wife isnt enough for him".

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Ange: Well, it is halal for a man to take another wife if he can treat her fair, and if the woman he marries consequently fits the suggestions in the Qu'ran. Way better than giving your wife diseases and cheating on her. But these men are cowards who shouldn't have married the woman they did in the first place alot of them, or are weak, and have no fear of God. Hind's comment sums up MOP's feelings about the guys. LOL I can think like what you've said as a westerner, but culture dictates the women once divorced can't remarry oftentimes, so even if your wife is not someone you like even or are attracted to, it isn't an option (especially if you are cousins). We know this whole thing is beyond Islam though. But the way of dealing with a marriage with problems by using prostitutes and absuing girlfriends with false hopes of marriage? Utter crap for Muslims. Or real men.

Anonymous said...

And why do these women entertain these 'men'? Takes two to do those things. If they do it for money, they're prostitutes, if not, then yeah, they're whores... and so are the men by the same definition. As for the wives, why don't they divorce? If they can't even tell, then the marriage is long finished. As for going to another country, what do you expect, you live in an unIslamic culture of racism and hypocrisy.

If women put up with this stuff like cattle then that's how they'll be treated... Just like how in the West we vote for idiots and then complain...

Convert_chica said...

Assalaamu alaikum,

Man, that's just nasty!

Its weird that people forget that their spouses are an amaana....its not an islamic 'right' to have a wife or husband, but it IS a gift from God.

Good post :)

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Actually Anon: your def. is wrong like most Arabs. A prostitute is indeed someone who takes money for sex but a whore is someone who sleeps with alot of men because they enjoy it.

Yes I agree, the women are to blame too, but not in all cases, as indeed, I pity the trafficked sex worker, and indeed, I pity the virginal girl who some guy tricked into loving him so desperately that she give herself up to a coward and half-man.

♥ααℓiα♥ said...

What a world we live in... Makes me sad for mankind... Ya Rabbi, have mercy on us and guide us to Siraat-ul-Mustaqeem!! (Sorry LoL I am having an emo moment!!)

ahmed panty said...

i agree somewhat with the original post (safety and applying degrading attitude to normal girls). however, it only covers certain types of dudes. when i get myself a whore, im not paying for the sex as much as the ability to kick em out when im done. the original poster is probably bitter cas he couldnt get it up for her.

*~Ange~* said...

treating wives equally isnt just about the physical. if you cant love one the same as the other then it isnt fair. same goes for lust. thats why that ayah ends with "but one is best for you if you only knew".

no man can ever treat two women fairly. you cant split your heart or your body into percentages of equal value.


and if a man needs to take a 2nd wife just because he doesnt think his first one is enough for him then that is shameful on his behalf. imagine the hurt the first wife feels all bcos he thinks she has failed him sexually.

meg said...

Why don't people start referring to these men who commit zina as 'whores'? Because the act of 'having sex with a lot of people for fun' is the exact same,so the name should not just apply to the woman but the man also.

The Linoleum Surfer said...

Thanks for taking this discussion onto your blog, OP!

I knew this one would stimulate some debate, but never imagined how much!


TLS

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Ange: Treating people fairly in a marriage isn't about having the same feelings in all things for both (the Prophet himself loed Aisha more but he treated all wives fairly in that he visited them equally, gae each as much time and attention as her, that is truly the thing). It means attending to the needs of all parties. Some women want emotional things more, other other things;). Which is why not all men and not all women can do it;) or should do it. The man has to TREAT them equally, that means if one of his wives is more attractive and he has sex with her 3 times a day, he should do that with his other wives too, whether or not they are less attractive or no, unless of course they don't want, because that's what means treat them equally means. Usually in these cases it would be better they divorce but in the culture here the woman often can't remarry fue to culture and her family, and if she has kids to support this will be really hard on her. Or that they never married without knowing this about eachother in the first place.

Ahmedpanty: Manwhore. Please change your name from "Ahmed" then dearie because you don't deserve it.

Meg: Let us all start;)

TLS: This is something my friends and I end up discussing all the time. But trying to talk about it with our Omani girlfriends can make us sad. Like we are pointing out the sins of their husbands or brothers ect.

♥ααℓiα♥ said...

Blech :-/

I seek refuge in Allah from these types of "men". TLS summed it up pretty well!!

Unknown said...

No way am healthy