Wednesday, November 24, 2010

How does one tell their parents they got married without telling them?...

So I got married! YAyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [and a long hard struggle it was, in a manner of speaking. So now what? With "I'll be home for Christmas" rining in my ears with my little sister begging me for a return vacation... I don't know exactly what to do. See, flashback to KH and I just before my big day, via our mobiles.
KH [pre-wedding]: "I am happy for you sis, but did you tell your parents you are getting married?"

OPNO: "." [KH, as an Arab, OBVIOUSLY has more respect for family than I do, one would suppose, silyl Westerner me].
Yeah, no, I didn't. To which, knowing KH, his advice would have been, "You have to. They are your parents. Its about respect."Well, I DID tell them I was engaged, which... probably, makes me LESS of a demon child, right?

[Bites nails].K, so I got married alot sooner than my parents would approve of. To someone they don't know, have never met or even heard of (beyond my recent off-hand engaged comment), after doing a tonne of things I know they DON'T approve of (including moving away)... So.I think just brining MOP to the airport will scare the heck out of them [dishdasha and all-despite them being used to my abayas] sooooo... Can I get away with a quick lie about getting married in our home country during Christmas break????? I mean, as a Muslim, I don't celebrate Christmas, but I've always wanted a Christmas themed wedding (you know to cut out on costs) as food and decorations as well as family getting together is already accounted for anyway? So this coward cop out will likely leave friends to wonder, how many weddings will this OPNO rack under her belt but only be married the THE MAN? I could beat ELizabeth Taylor and keep the same husband, perhaps.
At least I'd have an excuse to buy an AWESOME red ball gown I have been DROOLING over.


рεяfεcтℓγ▪ιмpзяfзcт said...

To be honest sis I have NO idea how you will get away with that :| I was actually imagining ways of how you woud tell your family. Maybe while everyone is drunk (assuming this is an adult family christmas party) just let it out :P Then when they wake up "I had the strangest dream you told me you were married" :P :P I don't know. But best of luck sis.

Umm Aaminah said...

Salaam sis. You know, it's difficult sometimes for our non-Muslim family to understand. My marriage to Abu Aamimah ended Oct. 08, I remarried in May 09, let go per my request via khula and remarried yet AGAIN (final time, promise!) Dec. 09. I know, kinda a marathon year for me. lol

My point: it was pretty hard for my family to swallow and by the end they are just kinda like, um ok are you still married? Divorced yet? I can totally understand their confusion and felt a wee bit of it myself.

(In my defense for those of you reading this with slack jaws, I had the misfortune to be married to a dishonest brother who I hope and pray Allah swt has guided from the errors of his ways amin.)

Sooooo crazy detour aside, I think however you can break the news gently is good. And... if they would enjoy seeing you married this time, why not have another ceremony? To my knowledge there is nothing haram in it and you have the opportunity to make your family feel included. I think it's a good idea. :-)

Ma salaama and happy planning!

Anonymous said...

crazily enough, i didn't tell my parents when i got married. my husband and i had only known each other for a few weeks, and i knew my parents would think i was totally insane if i told them we were getting married. so i hid it. i let them get to know my husband, see that he was a good, caring, supportive man, and then i let them know he was also -SHOCK- my husband! they were surprised, but not angry. after all, it is my life and no one elses. i have to live for me.
next time, however, i would just let them know right away, and not fear their reaction. the decision was yours to make, and even though they might be shocked or upset, time will show them whether or not you made the right choice. if your husband is a good man, they will see that, and have no option but to be happy for you. and if they are not, that is their problem, not yours.
my advice would be: live your life without fear of judgement. be happy.
best of luck to you :)

candy olive said...

Mubarak sister!

But for some reason I thought you were already married...