Saturday, October 9, 2010

RANT: MEN AND WOMEN OF OMAN

First, I am going to complain about the women. I knew the boys first, so to their annoyances I will be loyal and recite in order.

1.) Take care of your husbands. It is an Islamic duty. That means taking care of yourself if he is to care about you. I hear the bride is on a diet to fit into her dress but after the wedding she doesn't care what she eats, if she gets fat or what not. Well she should. More so after than before marriage. Your husband wouldn't want a second wife if you took care of yourself. I have no pity on this. Most women in Oman have help from other female family members and maids if they work and have children so you can't use your children as an excuse. In Islam, a duty to raise the children with Islamic values is first, but then a duty to pleasing one's husband comes in, else the family DOES fall apart. Yes, what is on the inside counts, and counts alot. In my Western country the women care only about the outer image and their husbands leave them for Asian girls that massage and cook for them. In Oman, the men look for second wives who take care of the outide image because their first wife doesn't. There is a BALANCE ladies. Inner beauty combined with an attempt at seeking your husband's attaention and pleasure at least4 times a week is going to keep him happy. Listen to him, be interested in him, be interesting to him. Husband is going to be jealous if your wear perfume for your female visitors and shave for a wedding party but not for him. It is the sunnah and an obligation on you to make an effort, serriously.

2.) High mahers, expensive weddings, and family tribe names. These things don't equal a happy marriage or a good man so WHY are they the things you are asking for or asking/letting your family seek out for you? I know, I know, disobeying your family even for a halal or sunnah thing in Oman is the same thing as being a whore (to some) and it is the same as if you did something really wicked, but be brave. For the sake of your country, and yourselves. Change comes with one person, than your cousin, than your sister, then your children, then your country. And really, the wedding is one day. Why not invest in your future life together, ie your home, your future children's education, even a vacation for your and your husband, instead of a white wedding and hotel ballroom reservation, and expensive (and TACKY LOOKING!) kosha? Sorry. I am just very opinionated in this.
3.) Second and third wives are halal. Don't ask for divorce over this unless your husband married in secret without telling you (total disrespect and not even HALAL in most scholarly opinions unless he was unable to tell you due to him being away on a caravan for years of something rather unlikely in the age of mobile phones but whatever), or he is obviously doing it because he never loved you in the first place but was too coward to say so. Remind him second wives in Islam are not just pretty young things though, but women in general need. WIDOWED DIVORCED WOMEN NO OTHER MEN WOULD MARRY WITH CHIDLREN TO SUPPORT OR ORPHANS WITH NO FAMILIES. Do not turn these women away. In Islam, they are to be cared for, by you, as well as your husband. Want for others what you want for yourselves.
4.) If you are a widowed of divorced woman, one of the reasons men don't want divorced or widowed women is because they are afraidf they won't add up to another man. Yes, true. So don't compare, ever. Just some advice.

Not, to the men, my brothers, my friends:

1.) You can't only complain about the women of Oman. What the hell are you doing out all night at the shisha bars or hanging with your friends when you have a wife and kids at home? Once in a while is fine, on a schedule, you go out twice during the week, and one or two weekends a month with the guys. The rest should be for your family. Your wife isn't just for sex and making babies and following kids around. You got to spend time with her. The kids are yours too and need time with their father. Nothing makes me disrespect you more.

2.) BE A MAN. You don't love your cousin that your family wants you to marry? DON'T MARRY HER IN THE FIRST PLACE! Islam says you can say no. It is your right. If you marry her, and then want to marry another girl because you don't love her but are afraid she won't be able to remarry if your divorce her (why were you so selfish and cowardly to do that in the first place to her) it is hard to pity you. You were a coward. Face up. Be brave in the first place. Don't put a girl in that position, ever.
3.) If you are going to marry another wife, try to consider how your wife will emotionally handle it. Do you both barely have enough money and time for eachother as is? Then you can't do it fairly can you, and then Islam forbids you.
4.) Also when it comes to marriage, if you had sex before marriage, don't marry a virgin, marry a woman of your like. I am serrious. The Qu'ran is pretty clear on that. The pure are for the pure.
5.) Unto the pure are for the pure and the good the good... Widowed and divorced woman in Islam are as good as a VIRGIN!!!! They are considered PURE. Yes, yes they ARE, no matter how screwed up culture is, one that says a man that sleeps around but that has never marrie dis better for him to marry a virgin than a good and pure divorced lady with taqwa, ya Allah!

14 comments:

UmmKhaled said...

Yah I agree with a lot of that.

Those KHALEEJI women...getting their money and the tons of it...and spending it all to IMPRESS OTHERS...with their "kosha" and dress that cost 10,000Dhs or MORE to RENT (NOT BUY) because it has so many "crystals" and buying all the jewellery and lingerie they will prob wear once because they gain weight after and get pregnant. And WASTING allllll that money of their husbands/father-in-laws JUST to show others they had a better wedding...allllll to their unknowing arab people go home and criticize everything about it. Ugh selfish selfish and soooo show-off...OMG just ridiculous. why not take that 400,000Dhs you spent on your wedding nd buy a nice car OR home OR stuff for your home to make it nice or TRAVEL with your husband...instead of put him in debt? Khaleeji women are so SHOW-OFF-Y sometimes it makes me wanna PUKE! Anyways I wish I had the chance to have a nice wedding but I NEVER would have gone to those extremes as they did...but I have my Emirati Man and even though MashaAllah I could have had an AMAZING wedding with everything I wanted...I didn't and I have his respect for that. Different circumstances and all but Alhamdullilah...I didn't have to show off and spend money for nothing only for others to talk after which is ALL THEY DO...so :)

Ohh and yah we women really must take care of our man. I got into a rut for a while...my man stood by and I am getting back to my old self that he met years ago. Kids can take a lot from you...but it IS up to OURSELVES to keep things happy in our marriage. Every marriage has ups and downs but a happy wife will keep her man happy. Get out of that RUT...LOVE yourself...and your man will LOVE YOU. :)

AND to THOSE MEN...marriage is FOREVER...no matter WHO you marry and have kids with. Especially if you have KIDS...wake up and make your woman happy too because HAPPY WIFE = HAPPY LIFE. :) HAVE respect.

Love UmmKhaled

UmmKhaled said...

Ohhh it said too large...I wrote so much I hope it goes through...did ya get it??

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

UMMKhaled: I love your comment. Thank you for taking the time to write so much.

Anonymous said...

Well said girlfriend!

UmmKhaled said...

Ohhh thanks :) I have A LOT more to say. I cold rant and rant. I have been to Khaleeji weddings and then the people sit and talk about THAT wedding for weeks and how cheap this and that was. And you know then when you meet the women, and go to their houses...they ALWAYS bring out their wedding ALBUM (which is HUGE) and sho you pictures of their wedding day. Yes MAshaAllah they look beautiful but they don't even LOOK the same...it is like you can't believe this is THE girl showing you the pictures wedding because it is all photoshopped to make them look white...so their man sees them so gorgeous and plastic on the wedding day and then in reality it is all a facade. Sad really that they think they try SO hard for THAT one day to SHOW off to OTHER people and then NEVER keep up the look. And I mean total opposite of their wedding day.

They sure love to spend their husband's money too. They actually think they HAVE TO spend all his money because IF THEY DO then he can't spend it on OTHER WOMEN. An Emirati woman told e this one time when she was TRYING TO give ME advice on how to keep my EMIRATI MAN. I was like HUH? No Way, and I KNOW her man is DEFINETLY running around with MULTIPLE women and I KNOW for a FACT and Alhamdullilah mine isn't and I am NOT spending ALL his money like her so selfishly. Weird view eh?

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

UmmKhaled: It totally is. Y explained it to me like this, you have to, as a GCC guy, go through hoops to marry the girl, and litterally, you have to spend a fortune to marry her and maintain her, so she feels like an object purchased by a job, and really, you kind of resent her for that, instead of cherish her. If she asked that money to be soend on a home and things for the home for her and her husband, he'd feel the exact opposit as wasting it on phootoshopping and gold for a wedding.

♥ααℓiα♥ said...

LOL @ What Umm Khalid saying -- ya it's true and it does kinda make u wanna puke by how superficial it all is over there... Sad :/ Alhamdulillah Abu A. was not like that <3

Nouf Q. said...

umm u are going a bit over board,, people who spend 400,000 on a wedding prob have homes and travel..if they have the means to spend it's not Haram, and most families, beleive me won't go on debt for a wedding,, girls who are proud of their wedding album have the right to show it off , don't you?
maintaining their looks , most wives DO dress up and make the effort but some men R simply jerks (most khaleeji men are)
good husbands are a minority but the good wives are a majority..

UmmKhaled said...

Actually you are right NoufQ because it does not put those people in debt. And they do have homes or live with their inlaws usually. Meaning the girl goes to live with her inlaws. But still...they spend that on their wedding and everyone just criticizes everything in the end. I am saying for that 3 days it could be not such a waste of money. My hubby comes from a family where that have those extravangent weddings and all the stuff they buy to get ready to go to the grooms home like new clothes and stuff that is fine but how many watches and jewels do ya need really. All at ONE time? Anyways all I am saying is they are SUCH show offs! Man the stuff I have seen. And yes the wedding albums are beautiful but it is not REALLY what they look like so they are showing off what they lok like photo-shopped...I even have pictures of myself for my residency card..and I am WHITE and I mean really WHITE and I look EVEN whiter in those pictures and it looks like a fake me kind of. But I didnt have that much to change.But you know they are beautiful weddings, and they are fun to attend but it feels more like a place to go to be gawked at because they all stare at everyone else and they are so self centred. Not all of them but most for sure. The little tiny drinks are yummy int he tiny cups and the food is yummy though.

UmmKhaled said...

A true example. My SIL was getting married (my DH sis) and she was getting her wedding dress in Dubai. Had to be s0me store in Dubai mall. Anyways she RENTED a dress for 16,000 Dhs RENTED not bought. And she told me that. I was like what the heck you could have BOUGHT one for even cheaper. And she was like noooooo it would not have as many "crystals" and people will say I didn't sparkle when I do my walk and people and people...because she knows what they are like. And then she had these 2 dresses made..one for the henna night and one for the day after event...and they were like 14,000 to make a this evening gown tailors. I was like :O WTHeck...and I was going to go to her wedding but last minute I wanted to go back to canada with my DH and I missed it. But she was like YOU MUST get a dress made so expensive or people will talk and you are my brothers wife and stuff..I would have needed 3 dresses made too like that because I was "family" anyways I missed it by a month because I went home.

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Nouf Q: It is a MAJOR complaint from men in OMan that their wives make no effort to keep their shape or excercise or dress nicely for them. In this case, I can honestly say, I knew a good group of guys, and they were all unanimous in this.

Anonymous said...

You mentioned the comment that the 'pure are for the pure' etc and mentioned divorced and widowed are still pure does this also extent to reverts as well, as I have heard those who claim it doesn't, and those that claim a revert is forgiven of all its past sin's, providing they completely refrain from them after reversion?? please help as this is something I would like to know more about??
xx

Anonymous said...

Assalamu alaykum,

A very quick correction - the Quran says that 'the pure are for the pure', but this does NOT mean that someone who had sex outside of marriage and then REPENTED cannot marry. The two below websites explain this:

http://islamqa.info/en/85335

http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=5074&CATE=239

Therefore I would ask that you edit this post to reflect the Islamic stance on this, so as not to discourage those who have repented from their misdeeds, from getting married, or force them to unnecessarily expose their sins.

Omani Princess (not Omani...yet) said...

Anonymous: I am not discouraging. I understand what the Qu'ran means by this, I am just ranting because others I know do not. I also take sunni veiw. I am talking about Ibadhi fiqh in Oman. I have heard many advise and say it is forbidden. I am mad about that. I think that is wrong opinion, in fact I know it is, from Arabic as a language, form the Qu'ran, and reading, greardless of fatwas from sites like Ilsam q&a (which is a site I HATE and think is total garbage), and from fiqh in Ibadhism which is harsh to the extreme and thus wrong also.