Saturday, October 23, 2010

OPNO VERSUS MARRIAGE: personal contemplations, or making a list, as Audrey always suggests

In order to get married, things OPNO must change:
  • Dancing, skipping, running, when she moves in public. Apparently, this is not an Omani girl thang to do, and I do it without even noticing. It is because I used to be into a semi-artistic/graceful sport once upon a time, a lifetime ago, I fear.
  • Caring about any of the guys from her past, even in the way of old friends. Hard one. Tricky. Some people you can not talk to for over five years and they can take on look at you and know exactly your life story since you last spoke and exactly what you are feeling when they see you. Can you ever really cut that? I can cut communication, I can cut seeing, but the feeling of knowing them is not something I can touch really, or pin down. Can one? Or do you just pretend it isn't there and lie about it?

  • Laughing in public and talking so loud. Yes, Omani girls are quieter. Also, smile less. This kills me a little inside, to have to check my own nature but it part and parcel of fitting in some cultures. There are times and places for showing your bra, and a laugh can be like a bra, so some Omani ladies have explained it to me. I guess so.

  • Some places, some villages, some restaraunts, even if I have no one to take me, I shouldn't go by myself. HOW I REBEL AT THIS ONE. I honestly DON'T care what a bunch of men (who likely have paid for sex from some prostitute or had many haraam girlfriends think of me for deciding to go get my curry from a coffee shopor a pepsi from the corner store. Islam says A WOMAN CAN GO OUT FOR HER NEEDS WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG with these guys that they can't think of anything except that a girl who likes pepsi and curry is easy. Dear God. Ya Allah.

  • Keeping any secret from one's past to one's future husband BEFORE marriage. After that, never, ever bring up anything. Yeah, I kind of have this thing that on you are married to, he should be the one you don't have to guard your tongue from. Guarding tongues causes alot of marriages in Oman to be completely void of cnnection that men go seeking for in other women OUTSIDE OF THE MARRIAGE. Must grasp a balance in this one I think.
  • After marriage, not telling relatives or neighbors about my past (since everyone is going to wait for the Western girl to screw up and assume she already has).

Is this anybody's idea of happily ever after? Is no wonder I am scared and wondering STILL at my age?


camilia said...

wow sister, I'm with you on this one. I'm a western girl engaged to a Saudi guy... Now I'm a fun loving, loud, independent girl. Which he LOVEs about me. But I know that I'll have to tone it down ALOT in public when we go to Saudi inshallah. I am very afraid of stifling myself though, I dont' want to lose who I am... I feel very strongly about Deen though, and I know which things are good or better for me, so I'm willing to make a few concessions.. but I don't ever want to feel like who I am is wrong or bad. You know? How do you deal?

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Camilia: I think the key is a balance. In public keeping your loud personality as a joke between you too, but not losing it when you are at home.

I don't deal, lol, I am very very bad at it lol. I need a very patient man that understands I am not wicked evil. But I am trying to learn this. Make it a game for myself, sometimes I do that, like I an exceedingly good actress playing a role. So long as I don't forget who I am when I come home;D because then the man would get bored of me for sure.

camilia said...

wow mashallah great advice sister :) jzk... btw MABROOOOOKK on your upcoming wedding! :) You and I have more in common than I thought :)

Anonymous said...

from someone who has extinguished her "spark" when in public to appease the spouse - to be quiet and invisible (that is what you are being asked to do) = it will kill your spirit. Just a heads up. You will not be able to stuff it in a box and pull it out just for your hubby's pleasure - especially when/if he gets to be himself in public situations. Not to be a downer -but it is my experience. Funny, my husband married me for my vibrant personality and now complains I am no longer like I was - go figure

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Anon: my man is a humble farmer. Yes, yes he is. So being in a Public role is more me in my career. Which I am sure makes him mad jealous because I am sure if I had the excellent grades to make med school he'd be like, NOOOOOOOOOOOO you have to work with men!!!!!!!! But I mean, a man that wants a woman will do alot for her, and that is letting me do my job. If he doesn't audios.

A woman loses her Islamically-given rights when she doesn't assert them. I am not one of those women.

Lost in Oman said...

Don't stop smiling though I know how difficult it can be just in case the men misunderstand, just look down when that happens but smile away! We need more smiling faces and it helps spread the good feelings around. You are doing nothing wrong by smiling, (though even I have curtailed the smiles just in case they go to wrong direction). I try to smile at the girls in Lulu and eventually they get the message and I tell them that it makes the day better for all. We have fun at work that i forget that it can be difficult to remain quieter outside.

Keep on posting and I do enjoy reading them and getting your perpective on Omani life, that is when I have time to sit down and browse.

BTW. Lost in Oman is a 'bint' and that link on your blog goes to jamal al balushi photographs.

Anonymous said...

Salam Sisters,

I am so happy i found this blog Alhumdulillah. I am coming to Oman in 2 weeks to meet my future in laws inshallah and see Oman.

Now gosh how im scared... culturally i am not really far from them but i fear how his family will find me. Not laughing for me is impossible and i know Arabs think im flirting... which I am not smiling the same etc..

I would love to know more about the culture and what i should be careful of etc...

jzk for your help