Monday, October 25, 2010

omigosh, life is soooooo going to change...

I just read Sweetness of Salalah's post on codependents. I am one of those. Actually, I was one. I think, I have recovered. I can accept compliments, I know that I deserve a good life and happiness, and I have stopped seeing that I need to endure people that drag me through hell because pain/love are not interwoven unless of course, we are talking blood. Like family. Which you can't choose. But you can choose to have alternates as back-up for those times your family fail you. I am also expecting less of others, and making deicions without freaking. It is amazing. The old me is sometimes a stranger.
This weekend my life is REALLY going to change. I am cutting all ties with the past that are "not good views" and not puting up with people that make no effort to be in my life (except of course, my family). I also gaining a whole new family, complete with kids, and a tribe. Yes, a TRIBE. I may not fit 100% anywhere, but home is where the heart is, and my heart is here in Oman. If you are not happy where you are, life is too short. Go to the place where you think you have a better chance at happiness. Most people, when you ask them what they want to do most in this life, they've never done it. And that is sad. Ask yourself what you want to do. And then go and do it. I decided that I hated my old life. I couldn't stand it. My bones were numb with cold, my mind couldn't feel anymore, and I was a robot, living someone else's life, not mine, not what I'd envisioned mine to be, doing nothing that I wanted to do. So I did something. I bought a plane ticket, I bought a ticket, and I put everything that was worth keeping from my old life into a suitcase and a carry-on, and I began. From nothing. I struggled, I subsisted on lemons and dates plucked off of trees in my new 'hood while I waited for the stall in the pay cycle between two jobs, but I did it, and while not without help and the grace of God, Allah SWT, but on my own.
I made mistakes along the way too numerous to try and right. To those who love me and want to carry on knowing me anyways, you are my life's light, my heroes. Regret is not something I can do anymore. I will just try to do three goodnew things for every twinge of regret I feel, and maybe that will make the world a brighter place.

To the idiot who loves me, you are either crazy or a moron but, well, that makes me brave enough to try and deserve you. About love: No one ever deserves another's love when they truly love someone. All that they do to make that other person happy doesn't equal some sense of entitlement. But what a person does deserve, is to be able to love themself. If you don't love yourself then you will NEVER deserve someone else's love.

Fall in love with your life.

11 comments:

Umm Aaminah said...

A'salaamu alaikum sis. MABROOK! I just wanted to congratulate you and say that this is a very beautiful post. Poignant and heart-touching. Keep up with your positive changes and just go forward from here. There is no room for regret, just try and do better day by day and above all, pray for the rahma of Allah.

Ma salaama...

♥ααℓiα♥ said...

I agree -- if you're not happy or know a place where you can start a new life and forget about the old -- just make a plan and "escape".

Ever since I came back to Canada, not a day has gone by that I feel like I don't belong and my heart is back in the Gulf. Maybe because my child is there but in the right conditions, I *was* happy and this time I am gonna ignore the haters and try not being Miss Perfect. I tried that and look what happened.

So, here's to a new chance, new life and new happiness <3

UmmKhaled said...

Nice post...and I am really happy for you...so is this an "I am getting married" post :) I am most likely a co-dependant too...trying to think for my self :) Getting better. This is the year of change!

Boxie said...

Life is always a chaleng, I try and take it one day at a time. Inshallah you will have a grate new live, I will pray for you all to be super happy together.

Nadia said...

YES! YES! YES! Congrats? :)

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Umm Aaminah: Exactly, may Allah shower us with mercy, ameen. Much love sis;)

Aalia: Here's to. May Allah grant you a new start filled with ease and joy, ameen.

Umm Khaled: Thank you sis. And I miss you. I think you'd like Oman better with your DH lol. But you;d still miss Tim Hortons. To the new start in this new year, ameen!

Boxie: I miss you!!! Come home. I am your family. My family is your family. My home is your home. I even have a swanky new bed for you, and when I move into my new house, what colour do you want me to paint your room?????

[People, some family you can't choose, and some family choose you. B is like the second]

Nadia: LOL, maybe I can start ranting about backwards Omani men now too, since I'll be learning a different culture than sharqiyah and Muscat;D. Jazzakallah kheir sis, & sorry for the madness lol.

Boxie said...

Sweet A bed! You know I have not goten to pic a room colour in so long lol. one light blue wall or dark red (to match my bedding :P) or you can pic cuz I trust your stile and you know what I like. I miss you too! You are my sis from another mother :)

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Boxie: You trust my style????? WHen you know HOW much I love that beadspread? And how HAPPY I was to get it stored away in the cupboard when you left ha ha ha?;p

For you either go comic book, or take-over-the-world villainess, or Alice and Wonderland. So, lol, be specific. Or you will end up with a funny room. If I have any boys though, they'll be jealous of your room.

Dust n Roses said...

wow, that's a beautiful post and congratulations...may u be blessed in this new chapter of life

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

Dust and Roses: Thank you for your beautiful comment and wishes.

Boxie said...

Alice in wonderland with a twist of take over the world. Do you remember the smiling apples at chince, I gota get some. Really :P, let me guess about 2 hours after I was gone it was packed away lol. I can always add comic books later. Do you have my book collection?