Sunday, April 25, 2010

My Advice for All WOULD-BE-CASSANOVAS in Oman

My advice for all would-be Cassanovas and wannabe Romeos in Oman:

Stop honking at me when you drive by. It scares the $&^%^U&^ out of me.

Don't creep after a woman in your car, window down, and say "Lsimat ya ukti." As far as I know, "stalker" IS never on the list of criteria my friends have for what they are looking for in a boyfriend (those girls that are indeed looking for a fling---this isn't how Omani men and women get married after all).

And if you are going to call a girl your sister "ya ukti", don't even be thinking of @#$%^&*( her. Incest is trait women consider unattractive.

If you pull over in front of me and cut me off in a very intimidating attempt to impress me with how confident you are, be sure not to side-swipe me and run me down. This hurts, and instead of buying me dinner and taking me shopping, as I'nm sure you were about to offer, the only thing you'll be paying for is my hospitol bill, got it?

*****Honestly, I have no real trouble with men in Oman, excepting marriage proposals in taxis, and guys scaring me to death with their car horns, and nearly running me down in an attempt to try and pull-over to talk to me LOL. Please note, I know many wonderful kind Omani men who would never stoop to this creepy behaviour, but some of these losers ruin it for the rest of them. But women, when men act like idiots, treat them like idiots.

I have a lovely story about how I dealt with one would-be stalker.
First off, he is following me for a half a mile in his neon green car. I ignore him and he pulls ahead of me and pulls over and waits for em to walk by, saying stuff in arabic. I ignore him completely, no eye contact, no verbal respsonse. this is usually enough for most would-be Romeos but this fool won't give up. Finally, I yell at him "I don't speak Arabic!" cuz I know, if he doesn't speak English, all I am going to be able to say is "shorta" (police) and "ayb" (shame) in Arabic. The idiot in the green car pulls ahead again.

"I speak perfect English."

I walk up to the side of his car as if this changes everything and smile sweetly.

"Oooooh, I am so glad, because then you'll understand me if I want to tell you something about myself."

He nods slowly, a dopy, sleepy smile crawling across his seedy face.

I continue. "I am a Muslimah. And I don't talk to men, and you are not supposed to either, so have some taqwa (fear of Allah/the OneandOnlyGod)!"

He keeps trying, and the old-ukti line comes out. "But Sister! I only wanted to help you."

Uh huh. Yeah right. I smile sweetly at him again. "Then forgive me, Brother, if I am mistaken. But should I pray men offer to help your mother and sister the same?"

The shame dawns on him and he crawls further back away from the window of his car. I start walking again. if they speak English, works on those that don't give up everytime.


2 comments:

PurpleFigtree said...

Yep, that's a good one. I'm so glad we don't really have those guys in Jordan. *shudders* gross!

Omani Princess (not Omani LOL) said...

LOL, really, usually they are just lame sixteen-seventeen year old guys so it seems kinda funny cuz they just got the DLs and think a car makes them "all that". But the older ones ARE hilarious. "I have to give ride, drive you, your skin will burn" lol.